Midnight Vent

I have just vented with someone I met more than month ago. Right now, we have established that we are more than just friends. His name is Marco, and I could describe him as a walking historical literature book. He's adept with Pre-Colonial Philippine History, and that's where I found interest in him. 

It took us a bit more than a fortnight of talking until I considered a relationship with him. He says he fell in love with me first. Little did he know when I first slid into his DMs, I was already interested in him. He talks a lot about his interests: Pre-Colonial Philippines, the novel he's writing, the comics he's read, the TTRPGs he's played. He is the yapper type. I don't mind that at all. In fact: I enjoyed it. I feel like I made a good friend and partner. Honestly, I think he's a great partner, but somehow there's always something lacking in our relationship. 

Not meaning to compare with my previous partner, but I feel like he centers himself a bit much to me. I think my future self will learn to love this part of him, but as I'm typing this, that's what I think of him.

Anyway, that's a bit of a life update I guess, but that's not what I'm here to talk about.

Hey there, dear readers. It's been a while. There ain't probably many of you—just a handful of you. Anyways, I made a lot of promises to deliver content in here, but I never did. I might never will and shit happens. That's what I'll be talking about.

I finished my Second Year of studying Computer Science less than 3 months ago. Hooray! For the summer vacation, I thought I had everything planned out. The first month, I'd be working on a sari-sari POS app to help my mom's canteen. I had a rough idea as to the technologies I'd be using. It would be written in Kotlin and the UI will follow the Material Design guidelines with Jetpack Compose. the local-area-hosted database will be in NocoDB with GraphQL for the querying. Not really experienced with working with databases, so I'm not sure about the NocoDB + GraphQL + LAN-hosting part.

As to the progress of this app... I only got to working with the wireframe and UI conventions. Never got to actual coding. It's already our 3rd month of summer vacation, and I only have less than a month of free time left. It's sad that I never will get to finishing this since I've picked up on a couple of responsibilities the past few days. I have been elected as VP Internal for our student body organization in our college, and we've been working with our schools in Cebu to establish an interschool organization. We're still drafting the constitution for it though.

Anyways, the second month of summer vacation was truly my regretful month. I only played games around that time. Nothing productive. Valorant. Marvel Rivals. Star Wars Battlefront 2. Clair Obscur: Expedition 33. I justified myself by thinking this should be the time I'm reserving for enjoyment since next summer vacation would not be a vacation anymore. Unfortunately, our summer term for our Third Year is going to be our OJT. Not enthusiastic about that.

The third month of the summer vacation is coming to a close now, and upon reflection, I could say I'm very disappointed in myself. The thing is, I always will be at this time of year. I always end up promising myself to be better but never deliver. It's an endless loop. Just an hour ago, I vented to Marco about a mini panic attack I just had a few minutes prior to us conversing. Usually, this panic attack is what drives me to action. Been like that since 8th Grade after a friend of mine committed suicide due to familial pressure and pressure to oneself. I can't describe this panic attack to be uncomfortable, but I don't like it at all. I wish this was never the phenomenon that precedes to my locking in. The loop usually flows as follows:

1. I promise myself to do X.

2. I fail to do X.

3. My body proceeds to go to a slight panic attack.

4. Normally, I would have suicidal thoughts. Nowadays, because of my late friend, I just force myself to lock in.

At least that's what it generally feels like. It's like the storm before the calm? Opposite to the phrase, the calm before the storm.

Anyways, that's all I had to share to y'all on this day. I've omitted a lot of details because I'm getting lazy and the sleepiness is getting to me. I'm just making this blog a piece about myself without regards as to who reads these and the context they might lack as they read these.

If you made it this far, thank you. If you are able to read this on or before the end of the month of this year, send me a message with a screenshot of this section of the blog post, and I'll reply to you with a gift. I love you. Thank you.

Otium Cum Dignitate

Otium cum dignitate. Leisure with dignity.

Image by Anja from Pixabay

One is entitled to leisure, but it should be an activity that maintains one's sense of dignity, integrity, and self-respect. It must be something that improves oneself such as obtaining new knowledge or working on your physical self. Leisurely pursuits should be done in a manner that upholds one's values and character, avoiding indulgences that might compromise one's dignity.

On Avoiding a Climate Disaster: What I Think

We should stop messing about with fake commitments that make us feel better & actually solve the climate problem. Renewables, nuclear energy, and efficient energy storage are needed. Then, we must solve the problems on scalable carbon dioxide fixation/recycling. 

Read the book How To Avoid A Climate Disaster by Bill Gates.

After reading, you will realize that:

• We don't need Ecosia,
• We don't need to delete our emails,
• We don't need to turn off our electricity,
• We don't need to turn to veganism,
• We don't need to save water.

Those things will not change the system. The people that advocate such are simply putting the blame on YOU, and certainly on the poorest of us. The #1 activity that humans do where the majority of the greenhouse gas come from is the manufacturing of products. So, should we blame the companies instead?

Not quite.

Everyone is to blame, but we do the things we do because it makes us happy and content with life. We don't need to be in survival mode. Instead, we need something like a global Manhattan Project where the greatest human minds come to remove carbon dioxide & drop the greenhouse gas to essentially zero or as near to zero as can be managed. We have already surpassed the 1.5°C limit, so the only route is to burn as much fossil fuel as we need to:

a) get to a new, green energy economy 

b) maintain economic development, and 

c) build breakthrough technologies that will remove CO2 on a global scale.

Quantum Physics - Laymen Get Wild

Quantum physics is a surprisingly broad field with quite a few people working on different problems... yet when a study gets publicly released, enthusiasts and interested individuals get scooped most of the time!

Like, remember that article hypothesized in 2020 by a particle physicist that explains the existence of parallel universes based on evidence found in a NASA experiment in Antarctica? Daily Mail, NY Post, and other non-science journalism sites went wild and people just accepted the hypothesis to be true! Of course, it's been debunked already, but it was a fun week.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that there's great demand for these kinds of studies. It's obvious because Marvel movies rely on these concepts as plot devices. I'm betting that Marvel Studios would start funding quantum physics research once they've used up the studies published in the 20th Century hahahaha

Nice ra sad ang The Marvels, at least in the trailer. Quantum entanglement this time 😂